


Let these words answer for what is done

by skieswideopen



Category: The Invisible Library - Genevieve Cogman
Genre: Gen, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28145682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skieswideopen/pseuds/skieswideopen
Summary: She didn't like commitments to other people. They could get...messy.Before she became Irene the Librarian, she was Ray, the trainee, who grew up in the Library and chose to return.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Let these words answer for what is done

**Author's Note:**

  * For [huntingosprey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/huntingosprey/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, huntingosprey!
> 
> (For anyone who's confused about the names, per the books, Librarians don't choose their names until they're sealed to the Library, so back when she was in training, Irene would still have gone by her original name, Ray.)

Ray was one of the last to leave the school. Her closest friends—that small circle that had gotten her through her homesick early days and made the later years such a delight—had all left earlier that week, scattering to their varied homes with laughter and tears and earnest promises to write. Ray had all of their addresses carefully stored away, but she knew that the odds she'd be able to maintain a relationship with any of them were slim. Even if she were able to find a Librarian willing to carry letters for her, communication would be sporadic at best. And in a few years, after she was sealed to the Library and had spent some time there, visiting would be entirely impossible, at least not without some awkward explanations. Life in the Library made outside relationships too complicated.

With her friends gone and nothing left for her to do but wait, Ray retreated to the senior common room with a cup of strong coffee and one of her favourite detective novels—a series unique to this alternate. She'd briefly considered doing something more productive with her time—perhaps reviewing her Arabic vocabulary, which was still more limited than she liked—but with her final set of school exams just behind her and a rigorous course of study at the Library ahead, she thought she both needed and deserved a break.

Two other girls were already there, cozy in the window seat. Ray recognized them as students from the class behind hers, no doubt enjoying their first access to the common room now that the last batch of students had moved on. Ray didn't know either of them well, but they clearly knew each other. Their heads were bent close as they whispered and giggled. Ray watched them wistfully for a moment, envying them the year at school they still had ahead of them. It hadn't been so long ago that that had been her.

But alongside the longing grew a sense of anticipation. After all the years of waiting and studying, she was finally, finally going to have the opportunity to do work that meant something, the work that she had been born and raised to do: protecting books. Protecting _stories_. And she was finally going to be an adult, meeting her parents on equal footing, even able, once she was done training, to travel between alternates on her own.

If, that was, her parents ever arrived to pick her up.

In the meantime, she had a book. Resolutely, Ray opened her novel and began to read.

She was deep into the adventures of Lucille Archambeau, _détective privée_ , when the sound of quick, firm footsteps alerted her to the approach of visitors. She looked up from her book to see Frau Gessner heading toward her, accompanied by a tall, stern-faced man whose nondescript dark suit—suitable for nearly all alternates—suggested that he was from the Library. Ray set aside her book and rose courteously to meet them.

"Ray," said Frau Gessner, "this is Monsieur Abelard. He arrived with a letter from your parents. They have apparently sent him to escort you home."

"I have a letter for you as well, Fräulein," Abelard said in French-accented German, pulling an envelope from his jacket.

The letter was indeed from her parents; Ray recognized her mother's handwriting immediately. In a graceful, looping script, Raziel apologized for their being unable to meet Ray at school—a last-minute assignment had come up that only they could do, she explained. But they were both looking forward to seeing her as soon as their assignment was complete, and they were sure there would be plenty of opportunities to catch up now that Ray was going to be in the library full-time.

The letter concluded with a description of her escort, and an identification code that told her it was really from her parents, and that they hadn't been coerced into writing it, a safety feature they'd implemented when she first left for school.

Ray felt a rush of disappointment at the news, but carefully kept it off her face, determined to show that she truly was an adult now, not a child in need of coddling. "Thank you, Frau," she said, bending to retrieve her book. "Monsieur Abelard will see me safely home."

Frau Gessner shot her a worried look; there were reasons this particular boarding school emphasized self-defence as well as languages. "Are you quite sure, Ray? Have you ever met Monsieur Abelard before?" The last bit was accompanied by an accusatory look toward her would-be escort.

"I'll be fine, Frau Gessner," Ray said, offering her best reassuring smile. She was suddenly impatient to be gone, away from this last lingering remnant of childhood and the reminders of the friendships she was leaving behind. "The letter was quite clear. Monsieur Abelard works closely with my parents, and I have no doubt he'll be a very responsible escort."

Frau Gessner still looked doubtful, but she stood back and let Ray lead Abelard from the room.

Their first stop was Ray's room, to collect her suitcases. She'd done most of her packing earlier in the week, so it didn't take her long to gather what odds and ends were left. She didn't have much to take, anyway. Her parents had encouraged her to treat her time at school like an assignment and keep her possessions to a minimum.

Of course, she thought as she hoisted the two heavy bags, every Librarian on assignment inevitably returned with books.

Abelard, who proved far more congenial than his stern countenance had suggested, ended up carrying one of the bags for her. He chatted pleasantly as they made their way through the mostly deserted corridors, inquiring politely about her studies—he was particularly interested in the school's extensive language curriculum—until they reached the school library.

The library had been Ray's favourite spot in the school from the first moment she'd set foot in it: a substantial room with soaring ceilings, beautiful woodwork, and most importantly, row upon row of books. She'd often retreated there when she was feeling homesick, especially in her first months of school.

Abelard nodded in satisfaction when he saw it, though Ray could have told him it would work. Her parents had used it when they visited, or picked her up for the occasional short trip.

After a quick glance around to make sure there were no overly conscientious school librarians or lonely, lost students hiding among the stacks, Abelard spoke the words that summoned a familiar-looking door, and the two of them stepped through.

***  
The problem with a seminar, Ray thought glumly as Master Shonku's sharp gaze swung to her once again, was that there was nowhere to hide. In a big class, you could bury yourself in the middle and hope the teacher passed over you, but there was no such option with only a handful of students present.

"Ray, can you explain the physics behind how sound can cause glass to shatter, and why a Librarian might need to know this?"

Ray cast her thoughts frantically back to her past lessons in physics and came up blank. Was it even possible to shatter glass with sound? "I don't know the science," she admitted. "Something about vibration, I think. But it would be useful if there's glass you need shattered that's outside of the range of your voice."

Shonku gave her a scathing look. "If you don't know how it works, how will you create the necessary oscillations? I expect a paper on the subject from you by our next class—five pages, single-spaced."

"Yes, Master Shonku," she sighed, and was relieved when he moved on. Physics had never been her strong suit, and she'd dearly hoped that she was done with it when she left boarding school. Unfortunately, Master Shonku was a strong believer in the value of scientific knowledge to nascent Librarians.

The bigger problem, however, was that Master Shonku's expectations for her far exceeded her grasp of his field, and he had no problem making his disappointment felt. The other tutors were at least moderately pleased with her knowledge of languages and her talent for research and indexing. Shonku took all of that as given for a child of Librarians and demanded more.

"Remember, even when magic is involved, the inherent qualities of the physical world cannot be ignored," he continued. "Magic that works _with_ physics will always be more powerful than magic that tries to run counter to it. And that applies to the use of Language as well, for those of you who make it that far in your training." He paused to look around the table of attentive trainees, all with pens poised over their notebooks. Ray didn't think she imagined his frown when he reached her, as if skeptical that she was one of the trainees who would reach the status of Librarian. "I've written several monographs on the subject, with which I'm sure you all familiarized yourselves before this seminar began. Those works will provide the basis for our discussion over the next few weeks."

"Could he get any more pompous?" whispered the trainee next to Ray. She wasn't someone Ray recognized, probably a recent recruit—one not yet familiar with Shonku's notoriously keen hearing. Ray gave her a sharp look, willing her to be quiet, but it was too late. Shonku had paused his lecture and was glaring at both of them. Well, mostly at Ray.

"Since you clearly don't feel the need to listen to my discussion, Ray, perhaps you can do the class the favour of summarizing all four of my books on this subject at our next meeting. With a written comparison to accompany your oral report."

Ray's heart sank as she envisioned trying to fit in four additional books and a report—along with the paper on glass and sound—in the next two days. She opened her mouth to plead for more time, but before she could get the words out, the trainee next to her spoke up. "Master Shonku, that's not fair. I was the one talking. She didn't say anything."

Shonku looked startled at the interruption. Ray was startled herself; Shonku's sarcasm and love of extra assignments meant very few students dared to stand up to him. But the whole class had heard the confession, which meant even Shonku couldn't punish Ray for it.

With a sour twist of his lips, he turned to the other trainee. "Very well, Lihua," he said curtly. "Since you're honest enough to confess, you can limit yourself to two of my books. I expect both oral and written reports by next class."

"Of course, Master Shonku."

"Excellent. I trust your German will be up to the task."

Ray thought she saw a flinch at that, but it was well concealed. Seemingly satisfied, Shonku turned to another student and posed a question about the likely interaction between magical flight and physical mass. Ray bent her head over her notes and waited for the class to end.

When they were finally released, Ray followed Lihua from the room. "Thank you for taking the blame," she said once they were safely out of earshot.

A brief smile lit up Lihua's face, brightening her features. "Well, it was my fault, wasn't it?"

"True," Ray admitted, "but I still appreciate your sparing me having to read four of Shonku's books in the next two days."

Lihua grimaced sympathetically. "I suppose I'm lucky he only assigned me two."

"How is your German, anyway?" Ray suspected she already knew the answer.

"I don't speak a word," Lihua admitted. "I'm supposed to start it next year. Do you think anyone's translated them?"

"I doubt it. Most Librarians speak enough German to puzzle their way through Shonku's work, if they're interested." Ray hesitated, knowing that she had her own paper on the effect of sound on glass to write, not to mention whatever other work she was assigned. But Lihua _had_ confessed when she didn't have to. It wasn't as if Shonku would have taken Ray's word for who had spoken. "I can help you, if you'd like."

"Really?" Lihua's expression was pure delight.

"You did help me. It only seems fair."

"Thank you so much," Lihua said fervently. "I'll owe you. Anything you want, if you can just get me through this report."

"Be careful what you promise," Ray advised. "Some people might hold you to it."

Lihua shook her head. "I don't understand it. You're smart. You're fair. You already speak German. Why does Shonku have it in for you? He's impatient with everyone, I know, but he's much stricter with you than anyone else."

"That's because Ray is _special_ ," said a familiar voice teasingly, and Ray smiled in spite of herself.

In the six months since her return to the Library, Ray hadn't quite managed to replace the tight circle she'd had at boarding school, but she had slowly started making friends among her fellow trainees. Micah and Ndidi had been among the first. The three had arrived at nearly the same time, and she'd bonded with them during basic orientation, where she'd quietly filled in some gaps after class, explaining a few things about how the Library worked that their instructor hadn't felt they needed to know yet.

It was Micah, the more playful of the two, who had spoken, but Ndidi, as always, was with him. The two had been nearly inseparable since their arrival, despite significant differences in temperament and background.

Lihua looked at them both curiously as they joined the conversation. "Special how?"

"Her parents are Librarians," Ndidi explained, and Ray felt the spike of anxiety she always experienced when someone new learned where she came from.

Despite more or less growing up in the Library, Ray hadn't spent much time among the students. Most of her childhood had been spent with her parents, either on assignment or in the Library, or with various established Librarians her parents knew. Perhaps that was why she'd never given much thought to the types of people who became Librarians, and under what circumstances.

To the extent that she had thought about it, Ray had assumed that the pool of trainees was drawn largely from booklovers who had encountered a Librarian, been judged suitable candidates, and offered the opportunity to access the greatest library in existence. And indeed, many did arrive at the Library by exactly that route, befriended by a Librarian-in-Residence or Librarian on assignment who saw their promise and made them a welcome offer.

Others, however, came to the Library under less happy circumstances, and not always entirely voluntarily. Some of those, she'd found, were resentful not only of their situation but of people they perceived as embodying the institution that they felt had wronged them. Like the trainee who had grown up in the Library as the child of Librarians.

Ray strongly hoped that their resentment would fade by the time they became Librarians, so that she didn't have to guard her back from her colleagues in the field. In the meantime, all she could do was surround herself with people who didn't hold her origins against her, and hope for the best.

"I didn't know Librarians had children," Lihua said, an odd expression on her face. Ray thought it might be surprise, or perhaps envy. She wondered if having children was a dream Lihua had believed she had to abandon when she joined the Library. It would be understandable; it certainly wasn't a path that trainees were encouraged to consider.

At least she didn't seem upset with Ray, which Ray hoped meant she'd come to the Library voluntarily.

"Ray's the only one," Ndidi said. "Aren't you?"

"I'm the only one I know of," Ray said. "At least right now."

"And that's why Shonku is so hard on you?"

"A couple of the instructors seem to think that Ray ought to have absorbed everything through osmosis." Micah draped a friendly arm across Ray's shoulders. "They're disappointed that they actually have to teach her anything."

"Training only lasts a few years," Ray said practically, "and then it won't matter any more." She checked her watch and slipped free of Micah, turning to Lihua. "I have to get to my next tutorial. Do you want to meet after that? If you pick up the books, we can start working on them."

"Books?" Ndidi asked.

"I have to write a report on two of Shonku's books," Lihua said. "Only the books are in German, and I don't speak German, so Ray's offered to help me."

"She's certainly the right person to ask," Ndidi said. "Mistress of languages."

"I had a head start."

"Will we see you tonight?" Micah asked.

"I'll come if I can," Ray said, then glanced at Lihua. "If we can."

***

Lihua proved to have a good grasp of math and physics—better than Ray's—which helped speed up the translation and summarization of the two volumes. Working straight through dinner got them a creditable, if rough, summary of the first book.

With that done, Ray stood and stretched. "What do you have tomorrow?" she asked Lihua.

"I have to meet with Josetsu about my research project, but that's it."

"Excellent," Ray said. "Then we have time to take a break."

Her small group of friends had already gathered in the pseudo-Victorian sitting room that they'd claimed as their own. Along with Micah and Ndidi were Ying Yu, the poet; Annalise, the European historian; and Fikri, who specialized in north African art and culture and the wildest stories imaginable. He was in the middle of one such story when they arrived.

"I heard three trainees starved to death trying to get back from the section on Middle Eastern fairy tales," Fikri said. "Their instructor warned them, but they still didn't pack enough supplies."

"I heard that only one of them died, and the other two survived by eating him," replied Ndidi. She frowned. "Only I heard they were coming back from the section on paranormal space opera."

"I think that's pretty clear evidence that it's all nonsense," Ray said dryly, claiming a glass of wine and her usual chair near the fireplace. "Besides, the Library doesn't have so many of us that it can afford to have us eating each other."

"Are you sure?" Ying Yu asked doubtfully. "Master Achebe told me that it can take days to travel from one wing to another."

"That's true," Ray admitted. "But I promise no one has ever starved doing it. There are emergency supplies stashed around if you're coming back from an alternate without supplies or forget to bring your own."

"How far into the Library have you gone?" Lihua asked.

"Never more than a couple of days from Central," Ray admitted. "My parents tended to get worried if I was gone longer than that."

"That's still further than the rest of us," Ying Yue said. "Have you ever seen the people?"

"The people?"

"Out the windows," she said. "You know."

Ray shook her head. "There's no one out there. Not ever."

"So it's just empty space?" Lihua asked, looking surprised. "All those landscapes and no one lives in them?"

"Maybe they just don't tell us," Fikri suggested. "I mean, there are all sorts of other things they don't tell us. Why not that?"

"Shonku thinks there are people out there," Ying Yue said. "He spent a whole class on it when I was studying magical theory with him."

Micah laughed. "The master of science said that? Really?"

"He's not that bad," Ndidi said.

"You only say that because he liked you," Micah retorted. "Trust me, if you'd been on the other side of this tongue, you'd feel differently."

"He's very hard on Ray," Lihua said.

"Regardless," Ray said, "if Shonku says he's seen people out here, he's the only one."

"He never said he saw them," Ying Yue said. "But I think he's looking."

***  
Ray and Lihua finished the report the next day. As they worked, Ray got Lihua's story. It turned out that her presence wasn't entirely voluntary or involuntary.

"My parents died when I was young," she explained. "I ended up falling in with a gang to survive. Lots of petty theft and burglary. But I'd always loved books, so I spent a lot of my free time at a local second-hand book store. Made friends with the owner, brought him books that I found and traded them for other books. Then my gang got into trouble with a rival gang. They started hunting us down, so I went to the bookstore to hide. It turned out that the owner was actually a Librarian. The bookstore was just his cover. When I explained what was going on, he suggested I could come here to get away."

"That must have been hard," Ray said. "Just having to leave like that."

"It was the hardest thing I've ever done," she said quietly. "I didn't care so much about the gang at that point. I was ready to leave them, and that life. But there were other people—I didn't even get to say goodbye. As far as they know, I just vanished."

However hard it was knowing she'd never see her friends from school again, Ray told herself she was fortunate that she'd never had to face that.

Lihua's report was well received by Shonku, who was clearly surprised that she'd managed to make it through the German and praised her for her thorough understanding. Ray very carefully kept her name out of it, to avoid tainting Shonku's opinion of Lihua. There was no reason for both of them to suffer.

***  
Ray's next session with Shonku was brightened by a stack of letters delivered to her right before class by a Librarian who'd passed through Gamma-17, the world where Ray's former school was located, and picked up Ray's mail while she was there. Ray soared through the class, barely registering Shonku's sarcastic comments, and afterwards retreated to the sitting room with the letters, eager for news of her friends.

The other students were already there, including Lihua, who was fast becoming a regular part of their circle. She sat in a chair with a book of Russian grammar.

At the other end of the room, Ying Yue was having a bad time of it. "This is impossible," she moaned. Her head was bent over the lock in her lap, which she was trying and failing to persuade to open with a series of lockpicks.

"I don't understand why Master Lugh expects you to learn how to do that," Annalise said. "We're Librarians, not common thieves."

Micah looked at her disbelievingly. "Have you not listened to _any_ of the stories? Do you have any idea what Librarians do?"

"We collect books from alternates," Annalise said, "to help maintain stability and connection between the different worlds."

"Yes," said Micah patiently, "but _how_ do we get books? Do you think we just buy them off the shelf?"

Annalise looked to Ray for support.

"Micah's right," Ray said, looking up from a letter detailing a friend's university experience. "We try to buy or trade where we can, of course, but in the end, the Library expects you to return with your book, no matter what you have to do to acquire it." She set down the letter and walked over to crouch down beside Ying Yue, watching as she made another attempt at picking the lock.

"Here," Ray said, holding out her hands, "let me show you."

"See?" Micah said. "Ray already knows it. That's how you know we need it."

"Actually," said Ray, twisting the pick and watching with pleasure as the lock popped open, "most of the time you'll be able to use Language to open locks. But it never hurts to have a backup plan." She handed the lockpicks and lock back to Ying Yue. "Did you see? It's all in the angle."

"How did your report to Shonku go, Lihua?" Fikri asked.

"It was fine," Lihua said. "He told me that he was impressed by my grasp of the higher mathematics. I imagine he would have felt differently if I'd told him Ray had helped me, though."

Micah frowned. "Is he really being that bad?"

"No," said Ray.

"Yes," said Lihua.

"It doesn't matter," Ray said. "It's not that much longer."

"Unless he fails you and makes you repeat the course," Ndidi said.

"Don't even suggest it," Ray said flatly. "I'm not going to fail. I refuse."

"No one really fails, anyway," Micah said. "They just don't let you leave until you're performing satisfactorily. And your parents will notice if you're stuck with Shonku for years, right? Or someone will."

"Someone," Ray agreed. She wasn't entirely sure it would be her parents. Despite their promises, she hadn't yet seen them since she arrived.

"I heard him discussing it with one of his students," Annalise said. "Apparently, he thinks the Library is actually looking into various realms, and can be seen by people with the right abilities."

"So now he's saying the Library is visible, but only to psychics?" Ray said disbelievingly.

Annalise shrugged expressively.

"You know, we could have some fun with that," Micah said slowly. "My grandfather was a stage magician. Have you ever heard of Pepper's ghost?"

***

They really shouldn't be playing pranks on senior Librarians, Ray knew, and her parents would certainly have something to say if they found out, but given everything she'd suffered from Shonku, she was willing to take the chance.

Lihua and Ray had dressed up for the trick, both in heavy robes that hid their faces. Micah had, somehow, acquired both glass and light, and set both up early in the day, testing them to make sure the trick worked. Ndidi and Annalise had been tasked with starting the rumour of figures out a particular window, and making sure that it reached Shonku's ears. They'd included mention of the specific time the figures were most likely to appear, to enable them to more easily set up for the trick. Ying Yue had been sent to watch him, and warn them when he was coming.

Right on time, Ying Yue appeared among the stacks, signalling the senior Librarian's approach. Ray and Lihua pulled up their hoods and moved into position. Micah had carefully set it up so that they would appear to be standing just inside the window—surely a more frightening experience than seeing figures outside the window.

A few moments later, rapid footsteps announced Master Shonku's approach. Ray had to stifle a giggle. It had been a long time since she'd had fun like this.

She couldn't see his face from where she was standing, but the startled scream was very satisfying, and the rapidly retreating footsteps even more so.

They waited a few minutes to be sure he was gone before packing up. As she bundled the two robes, Ray saw something shiny hanging from one—a gold locket. Lihua's, she assumed, caught by the robe when she pulled it off. Ray pocketed the jewellery to return later.

Afterwards, they returned to the sitting room with tea and a tray of cream puffs that Micah had liberated from somewhere.

"Did you hear him?" laughed Lihua.

"He'll be the laughingstock of the Library once he starts to tell people," Ndidi said.

***

Ray was back in her room before she remembered the locket. She pulled it out to look at it. It was a beautiful piece, oval, with a delicate design engraved on the front. Knowing she shouldn't but unable to resist, she opened it. Inside was a photo of a young boy, perhaps five or six. His dark eyes looked gravely out of the locket—dark eyes that looked a great deal like Lihua's. A little brother perhaps? Now dead but not forgotten. Librarians weren't supposed to have families outside of the Library, were chosen specifically because they didn't have families, but that didn't mean they forgot where they came from.

She snapped the locket shut and set it down carefully on her desk. She'd return it to Lihua tomorrow and not mention that she'd looked inside.

She was just getting ready for bed when the knock on her door came. Lihua was outside her room, looking worried. "Do you have a minute?"

Ray stepped aside to let her in. "I have something of yours," she said, retrieving the locket and holding it out.

Lihua's fingers tightened around it as she held it to her chest. She drew in a deep breath. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

Ray gestured her to the room's sole chair and sat down on her bed. "What's wrong."

"The locket…did you look inside?"

"Yes." She didn't see any point in lying now.

"So you’ve seen him. My son."

"Your son?" Ray's shock coloured her tone. "I thought he was your brother."

Lihua looked down at her hands still holding the locket and shook her head. "No. He's my son, and he's alive." She brought her gaze back up, eyes full of pain. "I gave him to a family to raise when he was born. There was no way I could do it with the life I led. I didn't tell anyone, not even the bookstore owner, because I knew he could be in danger if anyone found out about him. But I visited him regularly. Whenever I could get away safely. He knew who I was."

"I'm so sorry." It seemed a painfully inadequate response to Lihua's grief.

"I know we're not supposed to have families because it's not fair to them, but even if the Library were willing to let me go because of this, I can't go back. It's not safe, for me or for him." Tears welled up in her eyes. "But I can't stand the thought of him believing that I just abandoned him, that I don't care. And then I saw you had letters the other day."

"From my former classmates," Ray said.

"You can get mail in and out."

"To Gamma-17, yes," Ray said. "If a Librarian happens to be going there for other reasons. Or to my parents, occasionally, if they're on a long-term assignment."

"They won't let me send mail at all," Lihua said. "But you're resourceful. I'm sure you can find a way—"

"I can't," Ray said. "I'm sorry."

"He's my _son_. Please, Ray."

Ray wavered and finally broke, unable to bear Lihua's sorrow. "Give me the letter and I'll do my best. Just once."

"Once is all I need," Lihua said, pulling out an envelope. "Just so that he knows I love him." She handed the letter to Ray.

After she was gone, Ray spent a long time sitting at her desk, looking at the envelope, thinking—of Lihua, of her other friends, of stories she'd heard from her parents.

Finally, hating herself, she fetched her kettle and steamed the envelope open.

***

Library Security was a rather mythical creature to most trainees, on par with the pipe monster and the people outside the windows. But it was far more real.

Ray wasn't there when they picked up Lihua, whose letter had turned out not to be to her hopefully mythical son, but rather to the Fae lord on whose behalf she had infiltrated the Library. They'd been curt when she handed in the letter, offering no indication of what they planned to do with her. Ray hoped that their desire to avoid trouble with the Fae would lead them to release her, but she doubted they'd tell her. She was only a student.

"Ten out of ten for thinking things through," said a voice behind her. "And for loyalty to the Library."

Ray turned from the window she'd been looking out of to see a white-haired woman in blue standing behind her. _Coppelia_ , her brain supplied. Other students had pointed the senior Librarian out to her, but they'd never spoken.

"It must have been quite difficult turning in your friend," Coppelia said gently. "I notice that you haven't been spending much time with your other friends since."

It was true. Ray hadn't had the heart to return to the sitting room since Lihua had been taken. She wasn't sure what she'd say to the others if she did.

"They’ve been told that it was discovered that Lihua had family still alive, so she was returned to them," Coppelia said, as if reading Ray's mind. "We can hardly go around telling students that we've been infiltrated by Fae agents, after all." She frowned, tapping wooden fingers against the railing of the bridge leading to the window. "Your absence is somewhat harder to explain."

"Was she sent back to the Fae?" Ray asked.

"Negotiations are ongoing," Coppelia replied, "and I'm afraid that's all I can tell you about that."

Ray nodded. She hadn't expected an answer to that, even if she'd hoped for one.

"Shonku is taking a sabbatical," Coppelia added. "Apparently he needs a break. Therefore, his current students are being reassigned. You're to report to my office tomorrow." She smiled, dark eyes suddenly warm. "No doubt you'll be grateful for the change. Shonku can be tiresome at times, I know. He always has been."

Ray gave her a shaky smile in return. At least Coppelia didn't seem like she expected Ray to already act like a fully trained Librarian. Hopefully she wouldn't be so enthusiastic about physics either. "I'll be there."

"Good. Now go see your friends, child. These years when you're all together in the Library will end soon enough. You of all people know that. Enjoy them while you have them. It could be years before you're all together again."

She turned and left Ray by the window.

***  
The sitting room was alive with noise and light. Ray slipped in and saw that her chair had been left empty.

"It's about time you came back here," Micah said cheerfully as she sat down. "Did you hear? Shonku is taking a break from teaching. I think our little trick really got him. Apparently he's writing a paper about it."

As the group chattered, Ray looked around the room. Coppelia was right, of course: This couldn't last. Her parents had friends they hadn't seen in years because they were never in the same place at the same time. She wasn't even entirely sure they could be considered friends. Not really.

And it would be the same for this group. No matter how close they were now, once they were sealed to the Library, they'd be sent wherever the Library needed them to go, usually alone or at best in pairs, with no guarantee it wouldn't be decades until they saw each other again.

Perhaps, she thought, when they were all senior Librarians, never leaving, they might rekindle their friendship. She shivered at the thought. With the way time worked in the Library, that could be a century or more.

 _Don't borrow trouble,_ she told herself firmly—one of her mother's favourite sayings. Focus on now.

Now was Lihua imprisoned somewhere in the Library. Now was Micah and Ndidi, side by side, laughing. Now was Ying Yue and Fikri and Annalise, all safe from Fae influence in the Library.

Now was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, [redacted], for your many helpful comments! This story wouldn't be what it is without you. All remaining errors, of course, are mine.
> 
> The title comes from T.S. Eliot's "Ash Wednesday."


End file.
